The GR8 Journey

I hadn't stepped into my office in over a month.

The door was closed. I didn't even peep in. I kept my laptop in my bedroom in case I needed to open it for a few small work tasks, and I stayed on that side of the house.

I still can't tell you exactly why. Maybe it was the thought of sitting at the desk, hooking up the external monitor, and actually working on my brand. Maybe it was the first step. Maybe it was the pressure of being in survival mode, pushing through while the part of me that creates sat in the next room with the door shut.

That's where I am. Survival mode. When all my energy goes to getting through the day, creativity is the first thing I notice missing. The ideas didn't stop. One showed up recently and I couldn't follow it. I let it walk right past me, because ideas need a little room and a little water, and I hadn't had either to spare.

Which has me looking at my plants differently.

The most interesting thing about plants is how much goes into whether they thrive or die. Some like room to grow. Others do better packed in, almost busting out of the pot. Some need water all the time. Others thrive in dry conditions, living off whatever they've got in reserve.

I've been trying to work out which kind I am.

Here's what I know about myself: I'm a down-to-the-wire type of girl. I wait until the last minute to pull off perfection. Why, I couldn't tell you. And I plan. I plan way in advance. The list exists, the date is on the calendar, I have every intention. Somehow, someway, it still gets put off until the last minute and turns into a mad dash to finish before the deadline.

So here's the question I can't unask.

Is that me thriving on dry? Or is that me not getting watered?

Because there's a difference. A plant built for dry looks healthy. A plant that's just thirsty looks like it's coping, right up until it doesn't. From the outside you can't always tell them apart. A closed door for over a month is hard to explain to anyone, including me.

When I realized I wasn't growing the way I should, professionally and personally, I had to look at what I'd actually been doing to grow. Not what I'd planned. What I'd done.

What I'd done was keep the door closed.

Am I getting enough water? Do I have enough room to grow? What is missing?

I don't have an answer to any of the three. But I know my creativity, my growth and my passion were all in that room.

When I finally walked in, the room felt cold and dark, even with the blinds open. It felt like something that used to be. Like something that was left behind.

But here I am. At my desk. Starting.

I hooked up the laptop. I started writing again. Designing again. Creating again.

I'm not going to pretend that fixed everything. I'm still pushing through. I'm just not standing outside the door anymore.

Sound familiar? If you're in a stretch where you're just pushing through, and there's a room, a project, or a version of you that you keep walking around, I'm not going to tell you to push harder. I'm going to ask you the same three questions. Water. Room. What's missing. Then pick one.

What's your closed door? Tell me yours. I read every one.

And remember, it's not just the greatness for me, it's the greatness for you too!